Q&A with the Boyfriend

My name is Matt Boness. Twenty Three years old, born and raised in Flagstaff, part of the great state of Arizona. Practicing Christian, photographer, driver of the crazy train that Cassie has the misfortune of having a ticket for at times, Recreation Supervisor, triathlete and believer in the good in every human. Cassie has asked me to answer some questions for her blog and how could I say no!

Can you share a little about your background as a Christian and with the church?

I don't have a traditional testimony as many people think of testimonies these days. You could call it a traditional upbringing. My grandfather on my mom's side has been ordained in the ministry for 70 years. I say "has," because as of January, he began his 96th year of blessings on this planet. His father and grandfather and great grandfather were all ordained as well. And probably some more generations and uncles and cousins and brother's of sister's in law's friends who I've never heard of. Needless to say, Christ runs in my family, so to speak. I was born into, baptized and confirmed in the same church. My parents were married at that church before I was even a thought and I've grown up going to church every Sunday since before I can remember. For most individuals, this kind of mindless upbringing in the church does one of two things, drives them away from anything Christ centered, or reaffirms their faith. Luckily in my life, I found the latter. I have to be honest and say that I hated going to church when I was younger. All my friends were able to sleep in and I had to get up each Sunday, on one of only two days a week the education system released me from behind a desk, and go through the motions of another church service similar to all the ones I had experienced for years. When I was 15, I attended the Lutheran Church Missouri Synod National Youth Gathering in Orlando, Florida. A mouthful of an event that brought 30,000 like minded, similar aged, pimply faced teens together for one purpose: Praising God. Whoa! You mean I don't have to explain myself? I don't have to feel persecuted? I don't have to worry about being judged for my beliefs? That was an eye opener. I left after that week riding a high that lasted the good part of a year. Lucky for me I could attend the Gathering again when I was 18. The high after that one lasted longer and I truly began to feel the personal tug of Christ. Somewhere after that I asked God to work in my life and help me to fulfill a need in my church. Shortly after that prayer was lifted up I was asked to help with the Youth Group and Sunday School classes. Prayer answered. It didn't take long before I was volunteering at the National Youth Gathering again and my life transformed into something resembling a humbled servant of Christ. It took years of prayer, guidance and failures to feel sincerely good about the direction my walk with Jesus is now headed. And I thank God every day for his blessing on my life.

What has God done in your life in the last year that you never expected?

The last year has been a struggle of wills between God and I. I had this wonderful girlfriend, I had some distance between the present time and earning my college diploma, but things were missing. What direction did I really want my life to take? I questioned everything. What did God really want me to do? I felt like I never had a solid answer and that made me try to force my will over the one God kept silently placing under my feet. He knew that He was working in Cassie's life and that our lives were heading for big changes. He knew that everyday that I woke up was just another stone in the path that was to unfold in front of me, but their was a hill ahead and I just couldn't see over it. God and I butted heads and until recently God hadn't helped me to the top of that hill to see what lies ahead. But He did help me and I can now see that the path becomes a little clearer. I never expected how strong God had been working on Cassie. I never expected to be moving to Missouri. I never expected the life that's unfolding. However, He only allows me to see down the hill to the forest at the bottom wherein lies the next steps in life.

How do you feel about the idea that men should be the spiritual leaders in the home? How have you, or do you plan to be one yourself?

I think as nature has provided clear differences between a male and a female, God intended for men to be the spiritual leader in a home, because traditionally, they were the more logical thinkers. However, ask anyone who knows me and I lead my life by what feels right and my emotions toward people and situations. I am not always the logical thinker that some, maybe most, men are. I think it unwise for a man weak in his spirituality to lead his partner for it could lead down the wrong, misguided path. I think in any home, the man and the woman in the home must have complementary gifts to share with each other, all in the name of praising Jesus. The man is traditionally the stronger of the two and can easily fit into the role of spiritual leader and that's OK as long as the two are on the same playing field. In our situation, I have grown in the church, have had a relationship with Christ for my whole life and have more confidence in guiding Cassie as she is still new and learning God's Truth. But in any leadership position, the leader must listen to those under his care and take their comments and concerns into consideration for fear of becoming a dictator. Cassie has taught me a lot and we work together and make suggestions and ask questions of each other because you, as a Christian, will never know everything there is to know about God and he challenges each one of us to continuously seek his knowledge and truth.

How do you feel about Ephesians 5:22-24 ("Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands")? How do you think this should be played out in a relationship/marriage?

I think that verse is taken out of context. Ephesians 5:21 says, "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." He calls both individuals to submit to each other for the mutual love of serving Christ. For God is love and we cannot love without His example in our lives. He tells the wives to love their husbands just as one should love the Lord. To submit to them, to love them unconditionally, to serve them and forfeit complaints and trust in your husband to protect and guide you. The chapter continues with verses 25-33:

"25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[c] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

Husbands have even more instruction as to how to love and treat their wives than wives are to their husbands. God tells us to treat our wives as a part of our own body! My wife becomes an appendage of mine that I hold as dear as my own eye or nose or arm. I am to protect it, to keep it pure and unblemished. Christ died on the cross to save his church; His people. Husbands are to do no less than die for their wives just as Christ died for His church. These verses say that both the husband and wife should have no greater affection for any other being on this planet than the one they are married to. To treat them unconditionally, as a part of your own body and to the result of unselfishly dying for them if the need arises.

Can you tell everyone a little bit about how we have tried to make our relationship more Christ centered over the last few months?

Let me explain a little of the path that we have walked together from the beginning. Our first meeting of each other was hugely coincidental in the first place that the only way things could have happened the way they did was by the hand of God having some kind of input. I knew she wasn't Christian, she knew I was. I knew I was looking for a long term relationship, she wasn't. I was her supervisor, she was my employee. On paper, we shouldn't have happened at all. I stated from very early on that I needed a Christian wife and that I wasn't terribly comfortable getting any kind of serious if she had no chance of being that for me. That was most certainly a red flag in her book. But, somehow God kept me faithful throughout despite my absolute protests against this being a good idea. We hit our one year anniversary of dating, which is a huge milestone for me as it had become the longest relationship in my life, by far! She went off to Scotland and the distance was the best and the worst thing for our relationship. We only had communication. No contact other than occasional Skype calls and Facebook messages. We hit our lowest point while Cassie was finding God: what would later become our cornerstone. We have since gone through the Love Dare couples devotional, began praying with each other, attending church together more regularly (I am obligated at my church as the Youth Leader, which make my freedom to visit hers more difficult), and are starting a 101 questions book that Cassie has mentioned here. As well as just being more comfortable to talk about our relationships with Christ to each other. Despite my protests God knew what he was doing. Go figure! 

What is the key to a successful relationship?

Christ is. Relationships are hard and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. They downright suck at times. But, choosing faith over worry, prayer over argument, hope over discouragement is all easier when you have Christ. Knowing that you will go through hard times, but not be alone. Knowing that you will stumble but have mercy. And knowing that your partner is right alongside you through it all and you have the common bond of Christ makes all problems insignificant in the scheme of things.

What is your definition of an "honorable man?"

An honorable man is one that can be accountable for his mistakes. One that can treat everyone equal, with dignity and love. He is someone to look up to because of his strong morals and character and takes responsibility for his mistakes.


Thank you, Matt, for being a part of this! I hope you can all take away something from his wise words!!! You can read more from Matt here.


  1. Love the way you did this... and great minds to think alike! ;)


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