Having a Quiet Heart vs. Being an Independent Woman

The bible instructs us, as women, to have a quiet spirit. 1 Peter 3:3-4 says, "Let your beauty not be external - the braiding of hair and wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes - but the inner person of the heart, the lasting beauty of a gentle and tranquil spirit, which is precious in the God’s sight.”  Society, on the other hand, instructs us to be strong, independent women and to give in to materialistic values.

I now realize that I have always been one to give in to what society says we as women should be, especially in this day and time. I have always been independent, strong, and outspoken. I am not afraid to stand up for myself and express my opinion. In the past, I would not have cared if this came off negatively, or if it hurt someone's feelings, I was there to show my strength as a confident woman, especially if others were putting me down. Part of this came from being hurt in life, part of it came from being stubborn and refusing to back down, and part of this came from being raised by an incredibly strong single mother. I used my toughness as a defense mechanism, as a way of saying "you can't hurt me," even though people often did. The result of this toughness was an "I can take care of myself, I don't need you" mentality.

The more that I have gotten to know Jesus, the more I have wished I would no longer be this way. I do not always like having a hard heart and outspoken spirit, especially when it comes to my relationship with Matt. I have a hard time letting others win, especially when I think I am right. Since Matt and I both have the flaw of thinking we are always right, this sometimes turns sour. But, I'm starting to realize that having a quiet heart and backing down does not show weakness, it shows my love for my future husband. It shows that being right is not as important as loving him. I also need help remembering that I can't always take care of myself, and Matt does want to help me, I just need to learn how to let him without feeling like I am being weak. I realizing more and more everyday that I do need him. Letting my fiancee help me is part of his job, and I need to let him take on that role instead of hanging on to my pride.

During this engagement period I really want to focus on quieting my heart. Although I know I will always be an independent, educated woman with her own opinions, I need to learn when and when not to show that side of me. I need to learn when to back down, and let someone else win, just for the sake of being more like Jesus. I want to love others more openly, so that they might know a little piece of how much love our Father has for us.

Overall, I really do have a lot to work on. I do not want to try to be someone I am not, but at the same time I do not want to continue to be harsh. We, as women, really walk a fine line daily. When we don't stand up for ourselves we are seen as being weak, while if we say too much, we are seen as (for lack of better word) bitches. This is where the feminist part of me comes out and I get really upset about how unfair this it, but it is reality. I am getting to the point where if it means I have a closer relationship with God and my fiancee by appearing weak to society (in the form of quieting my heart), I am completely OK with that, and I hope you all are too.


  1. so fantastic to read - thank you for sharing these truths. blessings to you this weekend!

  2. Such a great and inspiring post.

    Have a great week.


  3. you are so wise, girl... loved this so much!! praying for you during this time of engagement and big changes!! xo

  4. Great post cass, you are one wise lady and made a lot of great posts! Love you!

  5. I've been married for a year and this is definitely something I've been working on constantly. Like you I've learned to be a strong, educated, independent woman from my mom and I've had an "I'm always right and can take care of myself attitude." It so doesn't work in a relationship, especially a marriage! Thankfully, my husband completely understands why I've been this way and has been patient with me as I'm learning to transition!

    Such an awesome, open post!

  6. This is a beautiful concept. We don't have to be pushovers just because we are listeners and choosing to quiet our heart so God can speak loudly to us. I am going to have that verse of beauty within on the wall of my future daughters room (if I'm lucky enough to have a little girl)

  7. What a great post, Cassie! This is something I've been thinking about...seriously you post so much that applies to me. I just finished a chapter in "Love & Respect" that talks about this very thing and I found myself having very defensive thoughts. But God spoke to me about "having a gentle and quiet spirit" and I'm talking to Him about what that looks like in our relationship. Great, convicting post!


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