The reason he said this had nothing to do with the fact that he didn't want me to take his last name. He did. BUT he was willing to overlook his desire for my best interest. See, in my field, women usually do not take their husband's last name. I don't know if it is due to the fact that the sudden change in last name is confusing publication-wise, or if it is just an academic norm. Either way, none of that mattered to me (plus I'm early enough in my career it wouldn't make a huge difference in terms of publications).
Now, I know a lot of women that really struggle with "losing" their maiden name. After all, it was our identity for however many years prior to meeting our beaus. I never felt this. Sure, it was strange that I wouldn't have my maiden name anymore, but I was more excited to take my husband's last name then anything. Maybe it's because my maiden name is an adoptive last name, meaning I have no blood ties to it, or maybe it's because it is just a name. Or maybe it was because taking on M's last name was EXCITING. I couldn't wait to be a part of his family and to raise our kids with his last name. For me, taking on his last name was a privilege and I was proud to take it (even if my last name will be forever butchered now).
I know so many men who get upset when their wives do not decide to take their last name. This scares me. It is possessive and never turns out well for the woman, who often feels pressured to make what can be a very difficult decision. I am so grateful that M not only made it clear that it was my decision, but was actually comfortable with whatever decision I made. Because in the end it's just a name. A name is no reflection of the quality of our marriage, or our love for each other- it is just letters. What really matters is that we are one, whether we have the same last initial or not.
I can respect whatever decision people make when they get married, but for us it was just natural that I changed my last name and I'm so happy that I did.
Did you change your last name? Why or why not? Was "losing" your maiden name a challenge for you?
If you're not tired of me yet I would encourage you to stop by Kimberley's blog to check out a little Q&A by yours truly!