Today we are back for another installment of Equally Yoked! Today you will be hearing from Kaitlin, the witty and sweet author behind Sew My Soul. She has a testimony that is shockingly similar to mine, which has brought us together! And I cannot take credit for her awesome title! Enjoy!
- Talk about it. This is probably going to feel weird at first. In Christian dating we spend a lot of time trying not to talk about or think about sex so as not to fall into the trap of temptation. After "I do," that all changes, and you do need to spend time talking about it together! For us girls, getting intimate is about more than just physical stimulation. It's about our emotional vulnerability as well. To get comfortable with physical intimacy, we need emotional intimacy. Emotional intimacy can't happen without communication. So, ladies and gents, husbands and wives, sit down and start talking. Bonus points for talking in your undies. Some practical conversation starters: What have you enjoyed in our sex life? What don't you like? Is there something you would like to try? Is there something I'm doing that you are uncomfortable with? What can I do to make you feel sexy and desirable?
- Seek wise counsel. This is another awkward one to put into practice but I promise it's worth it. We talk about seeking wise counsel for many many areas of life, but one we avoid discussing is sex. Here's the thing: If we don't ask for advice when we are confused, we can't really get any answers. If you had an assignment in school and had no idea what you were doing, would you do it blindly and turn in a really poorly done project because you didn't want to ask any questions? I would hope not. Sex is part of marriage, and if you're confused about it, ask questions. Don't keep having bad sex because you're afraid to ask someone the things you want to know. Find a person you really trust who has been married longer than you have, and ask if they're comfortable giving you advice. Ladies, this person shouldn't be a man besides your husband. Ask a female mentor. Men, same goes for you. Girls ask girls, guys ask guys. Don't let your confusion in your marriage be an opening for the enemy to slide into your marriage. When it comes to the opposite sex, don't talk about sex. But have a close friend you can call. Also, pick up a copy of The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex. It's written from a Christian perspective and has a lot of practical information.
- Get something pretty. This one is a little shallow, but it can be incredibly helpful. Wearing something delicate and feminine under your clothes can really help you feel sexier, and make it a lot easier to get in the mood when you are getting ready to get busy with your man. You don't have to go out and get some red and black vixen outfit right away. Those can be really intimidating when you're just starting to get used to all of this. Try something in a soft pink, maybe satin with a touch of lace trim. AdoreMe.com is my favorite place to order lingerie from, and I always feel feminine and beautiful in their pieces. When we first got married, I was incredibly uncomfortable in standard lingerie. It took a long time for me to find what I felt good in. Now, though, when I'm feeling a little blah, I get something I feel pretty in, and it really helps me be more excited about being intimate with my husband.
- Keep practicing. Try new things. Work together to see what you do and don't like. When you have a not so great experience, talk about why that wasn't great and how it can get better, and then try that. You won't know what you like and don't like until you actually try, so have fun learning together what is good and what isn't so good! When you find something you like, do it more! When you find something you don't, laugh about it! Sex is fun, and learning what each other likes and doesn't like can be a lot of fun too.
- Pray about it. God wants to hear all of your concerns. He's not going to shy away from awkward or uncomfortable topics like some people might. It may sound strange to pray about sex, but remember: Sex was God's idea, and He doesn't want you to spend your marriage having bad sex. Ask him to help you desire your husband. Ask him to give you the courage to talk about it. Ask him to help you figure out who to talk to for practical advice. God cares about your marriage, and He wants it to be healthy, including your intimacy. He designed sex as another way to glorify Him. Do you really think He doesn't want to help you give him glory? You can tell God everything and ask him anything, including asking Him to help you have great sex with your spouse!
- If you have ever been abused in any way, shape or form, tell your spouse and go to therapy. Sexual abuse should never happen to anyone under any circumstances. Trust me, I know how terrifying this is to tell someone, but I also know that you cannot recover from it if you don't uncover it. And you need to know: It is not your fault no matter what. What someone else chose to do to you is not your responsibility, and it is not your definition. What was done to you is not okay, but you can be okay anyway. God knows your pain and He wants to provide you with healing. He will hold your hand as you tell your story, and He will be there with you through every step of recovery. This will be hard and you may find that sometimes it's much harder than others, but you will be okay even after your darkest days. Reach out for help, and it will be given to you. Know this: You were not made to suffer in silence and solitude. You are deeply loved more than you can ever imagine, and God will not leave you alone in your pain.
See more from the series HERE.