11.05.2014

Equally Yoked: Marriage Don'ts

Today my dearest blogging (turned real life) friend, Cassie, is joining us for Equally Yoked! Cassie and her beau just celebrated their first wedding anniversary. In the short time I have been married, she has been such a great role model for my own marriage. Her positivity and grace is unreal and she is as genuine as can be. I know that her post today will touch your heart!
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Equally Yoked Marriage Don'ts


Hello, lovely people!! My name is Cassie (yea, me too!) and I blog over on Living on on Cloud Nine where I love to talk about my faith, marriage, a little bit of fashion and all the little things that make me happy! I am so excited to be here today and join this amazing series that our wonderful Cassie has started. All of the ladies that have shared some marriage wisdom so far have blown me away! Now, I haven't been a wife for very long - only one blissful year back in September, so what can I say after those 13 months? 

In preparation for this series I asked Peter what he had learned during our first year of marriage. What he thinks we do well. I got a few answers from him and I started to realize a theme.... everything he said started with the word DON'T. A lot of writing about marriages give you a list of things that you need to do, but also having a list of things that we should try our hardest NOT to do can be helpful. I'd love to share those with all of you and explain why these three things make our life flow much easier. 

1 // don't sweat the small stuff. 
At the end of the day I am married to my best friend. That is the quote I repeated to my self during all of our wedding preparations and I still tell myself this at least once a week. I think it is the best part about marriage. All of our lives are full of ups and downs and questions but having someone to make those decisions with and help you when you feel down is a wonderful blessing. All of the small stuff that goes on in our lives can cloud our perspective so easily, but if you keep your sights on the Creator of this life, together as a team - then the small things seem that much smaller.
2 // don't be afraid to express your thoughts/feelings.
Being an open book is hard. It can be nerve wracking, scary and even embarrassing sometimes. We, as people, are always changing. One of the huge causes of divorce is change. People get married, they change, and those people don't click anymore. It is  so tragic. BUT, if you are an open book and stay honest with your spouse through all the many seasons in your life, then you have control. Pray together, talk things out, ask questions. The moment that you start to build up an emotional wall and stop talking about the matters of your heart is the moment that you set your spouse on the outside. Keeping that flow open and checking in with one another has been a huge perk to our marriage. No topic is off limits, not even if it seems too big to handle, or small to worry about.
Marriage Don'ts3 // don't keep score.
This is probably the most important and hardest part of marriage for me. There are always things that we struggle with and it is easy to become lazy. Laundry is waiting to be washed and folded, the dishwasher is full of clean dishes but the sink is full of dirty dishes, bathrooms need to be cleaned... all these things add up and it's just the two of us. I can't even imagine what our days will look like once we add some little ones to the mix. (cue all the laughing moms out there) Keeping a mindset of no competition from the beginning is so beneficial. I was constantly keeping count during the first few months of marriage. "But I did the dishes last time" and even "I'll do laundry but you need to cut the grass". Then something funny happens when Peter is out of town for work, it is so humbling when I realize how much he actually does without me even realizing. Then of course I make sure he knows I appreciate him and miss him. At the end of the day, it isn't about keeping an even score, it is about being a team. Knowing there is a job to do, and this job of keeping a happy home and happy marriage takes two people. Two people that build each other up and don't keep score.

So, what are some things you learned in your first year?
Any major DON'TS that make your marriage work?

Connect with Cassie:
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See more from the series HERE.   

Hello Neverland

31 comments :

  1. I love all of this - even in the short amount of time I've learned that communication is so so important. If I act all huffy and puffy and stomp around, Derek isn't going to know what I'm upset about because he (most definitely) isn't a mind reader. And the same goespecially for him. We've quickly learned that talking about the little (and big) things that upset us will lead to a much quicker resolve.

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  2. Thank you for sharing these Don't tips! #3 is definitely a hard one for me because it's so easy to list all the things I've done and expect Hunter to do just as much or more. And like you said, when he's out of town I realize how much he DOES! I'm very much a fresh off the block newlywed but I'm so excited to see the journey that God takes us on :)

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  3. SO true. That's something we are STILL learning. We often don't want to bring up things we think are "small" or "stupid" but not bringing them up just leads to resentment and frustration!

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  4. This is SUPER hard for me too, you're definitely not alone!

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  5. Yes! It is so easy to compare. I'm glad you enjoyed the tips!! :)

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  6. Ha!! If only we could read our husband's mind, and they could read ours! But that would probably get us in more trouble, right ;)
    Open conversation is so important, so glad you liked my tips!!

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  7. another great post! :) Josh and I have been married for 6 years, and it STILL takes work. These "don'ts" become easier, but it's important to remember to keep them in the front of your minds. I want to say I have a favorite from these but they're ALL so important! Great post from the two Cassie's!

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  8. #3 is a HUGE one for me! 7 years later I still find myself thinking "didn't I just do this? When did he do it last?" and start to get annoyed. But there are things that he does that I don't and should be more grateful for (umm garbage and yardwork??!) Great tips :)

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  9. Thanks, Melissa!!! Good to know that they will become easier in the years to come :) Thanks for your sweet comment!

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  10. Yes!! I completely agree... we have 6 chickens and when he is out of town I start to realize how much he does to help out after the first day!! By friday when he is coming home I am so excited to have my chicken/yard/house helper back!!

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  11. Not keeping score is so so important!!

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  12. I found myself nodding my head with each "don't". I've been married 6 years at the end of December and I totally agree with all of these! It took me a while to learn them, certainly, but I'm so glad I did because it's things like these that make our marriage happy and healthy!

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  13. I'm so glad I'm not the only one guilty of that...

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  14. I'm realizing this myself as well

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  15. Congrats on your almost anniversary :)

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  16. #3 reminds me of great advice from our premarital counseling. Each person should always strive to do 60% of the housework/chores. If each of you is always trying to do more than half, it's easier to 1) get everything done! and 2) have a grateful heart for what your spouse does.

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  17. I love that advice! Thanks so much for sharing!

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  18. yep! It completely flows over in to every part of your marriage!

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  19. Happy almost SIX years!!! :) congrats!
    I'm glad to know that you agree with these after six years of marriage!

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  20. That is a great way to put it!! Premarital counseling is such a blessing!
    I'm going to share this with my hubby for sure... :) thanks!

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  21. I was JUST talking to my Hubs about not wanting to "keep score" last night! I feel like we do a little right now and it's bothering me. I'm hoping we can talk more about it and learn to not do it anymore.

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  22. It can be so hard to do but I think it honestly just helps to be cognizant of it!

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  23. it seems SO dumb to have to say not to hide/be shy about your feelings because YOU'RE MARRIED but I realize that because i care SO MUCH about what jason thinks of my hopes and dreams that I'll ignore them for a while in order to not appear stupid... sometimes it's disarming to realize there is someone who sees me at my best (which is awesome) and my worst (which is terrifying). there's such a humility and richness in marriage that nothing else can compete with...

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  24. So true, I never realized how hard it was for me to be an open book until I got married! Sanctification, sanctification, sanctification!

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  25. Amen...so good! After almost 11 years, these are all great reminders to me! Thank you for sharing...I LOVE this series!

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  26. Nothing makes me happier than to hear you love the series :) AND that you have been married 11 years! Such a great example!

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  27. Talking about it and being open with our faults in marriage is the best!! You took care of two points in one, high five! :)

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  28. Yes!!! I feel so dumb sometimes when I don't want to say something to Peter because I feel like it isn't important or I don't want to bother him, but when I do, I am always blessed with good conversation. When we do this with our husbands we give them the chance to pursue us in a better way! thanks for your comment, Amber!

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  29. 11 years, congrats!!!!! I'm so glad that my little tips were good reminders to you! :)

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I would love to hear from you! I try to respond to all comments.