Hello, lovely people!! My name is Cassie (yea, me too!) and I blog over on Living on on Cloud Nine where I love to talk about my faith, marriage, a little bit of fashion and all the little things that make me happy! I am so excited to be here today and join this amazing series that our wonderful Cassie has started. All of the ladies that have shared some marriage wisdom so far have blown me away! Now, I haven't been a wife for very long - only one blissful year back in September, so what can I say after those 13 months?
In preparation for this series I asked Peter what he had learned during our first year of marriage. What he thinks we do well. I got a few answers from him and I started to realize a theme.... everything he said started with the word DON'T. A lot of writing about marriages give you a list of things that you need to do, but also having a list of things that we should try our hardest NOT to do can be helpful. I'd love to share those with all of you and explain why these three things make our life flow much easier.
1 // don't sweat the small stuff.
At the end of the day I am married to my best friend. That is the quote I repeated to my self during all of our wedding preparations and I still tell myself this at least once a week. I think it is the best part about marriage. All of our lives are full of ups and downs and questions but having someone to make those decisions with and help you when you feel down is a wonderful blessing. All of the small stuff that goes on in our lives can cloud our perspective so easily, but if you keep your sights on the Creator of this life, together as a team - then the small things seem that much smaller.
2 // don't be afraid to express your thoughts/feelings.
Being an open book is hard. It can be nerve wracking, scary and even embarrassing sometimes. We, as people, are always changing. One of the huge causes of divorce is change. People get married, they change, and those people don't click anymore. It is so tragic. BUT, if you are an open book and stay honest with your spouse through all the many seasons in your life, then you have control. Pray together, talk things out, ask questions. The moment that you start to build up an emotional wall and stop talking about the matters of your heart is the moment that you set your spouse on the outside. Keeping that flow open and checking in with one another has been a huge perk to our marriage. No topic is off limits, not even if it seems too big to handle, or small to worry about.
This is probably the most important and hardest part of marriage for me. There are always things that we struggle with and it is easy to become lazy. Laundry is waiting to be washed and folded, the dishwasher is full of clean dishes but the sink is full of dirty dishes, bathrooms need to be cleaned... all these things add up and it's just the two of us. I can't even imagine what our days will look like once we add some little ones to the mix. (cue all the laughing moms out there) Keeping a mindset of no competition from the beginning is so beneficial. I was constantly keeping count during the first few months of marriage. "But I did the dishes last time" and even "I'll do laundry but you need to cut the grass". Then something funny happens when Peter is out of town for work, it is so humbling when I realize how much he actually does without me even realizing. Then of course I make sure he knows I appreciate him and miss him. At the end of the day, it isn't about keeping an even score, it is about being a team. Knowing there is a job to do, and this job of keeping a happy home and happy marriage takes two people. Two people that build each other up and don't keep score.
So, what are some things you learned in your first year?