As of lately, I have really come to the realization that my biggest insecurity is appearing insecure, dependent, or incapable. Are you confused yet? Let me break it down. I'm scared of looking like I need someone else, like I need someone to help to me. I'm terrified of looking helpless or needy.
I've always been an "independent woman." R-E-S-P-E-C-T AM I RIGHT?! Although society respects this, it's not what God desires of us, especially within marriage. Because I have a hard time accepting help from others and being dependent, my faith has been a constant challenge. I often laugh at the phrase "spiritual warfare," but this is descriptive of my entire walk as a Christian.
Then, we can look at this insecurity within my marriage. Marriage has been incredibly sanctifying for me because in marriage we are CALLED to be submissive to our husbands. For someone that had just become a Christian shortly after meeting my husband (and for someone in a seemingly constant state of spiritual warfare), this was a huge challenge for me. How was I supposed to give up control and trust that my husband could do the things I took so much pride in doing myself. How could I trust that he could do it my way and not miss a single beat?
Well, newsflash. My husband is never going to do things my way or when I want them in exactly the way I want them done. But that's alright. It's more of a fault of my insecurities than it is a fault in him. God has used my marriage to show me that maybe my way isn't best, that maybe I need to rely more on Him to help my husband be a leader and stop trying to do it myself. That maybe, just maybe, my husband knows better then me (GASP!). God has been slowly breaking down the walls of my deep desire to be independent and showing me what it takes to be in a God-honoring, healthy marriage. If anything, I have learned that not letting others help me doesn't make me brave or strong, it makes me so incredibly weak.
So lately, I have been trying to face my fears of being dependent with bravery. With complete reliance on and trust in Jesus. Trust in his promises and his goodness. He WANTS to free us from our insecurities, we just have to trust Him enough to do it.
Friends, I pray that whatever insecurity you are struggling with today, you will hand it over to God. I pray that you will immerse yourself in his truths and study his promises to you.
What are your insecurities and how are you facing them?