7.02.2015

Speak Up for Silence

speakupforsilence

Welcome to the FOURTH week of Speak Up for Silence. If you want to learn more about this series, please read this. Today's post is from Diane of Sweet Catastrophe Blog. I have had the pleasure of getting to know Diane recently and let me tell you, she is amazing. I think that will become clear as you read her post today.

Living With Meniere's
As I sit writing this I'm fighting my body and it's instincts. You see the thing I hate the most about Meniere's Disease is not the disease itself, but the anxiety that so willingly came along with it. Just when it appears that I have my symptoms under control my anxiety likes to creep in slowly or sometimes all at once to make me fear otherwise. 
 
It seems wrong to openly talk about this with you. In our society having issues like anxiety or depression are looked down upon. But if we don't talk about it how can we ever change it? How can we get beat it? Thinking back to when I was a child I never thought I'd possibly have problems with anxiety, or struggle with a life-long disease. No one asks for these things, they just happen. The only thing that matters is how we deal with them.
 
Today my anxiety decided to slowly weave itself into my thoughts. At first I was able to brush off the initial jitters, speaking to myself the all too familiar words, "you are alright, you are not going to sick or have a vertigo attack". There are times that this is all it takes to banish my anxiety back to whatever dark hole it lives in but today is a different story. Today my anxiety keeps pushing, nudging me to acknowledge it's presence, urging me to give it power.
 
Because that is all it needs, just a moment of weakness to break through my mantras and self discipline. Once it makes it presence known the battle begins, and it's terrifying. My anxiety likes to trick me into believing that a vertigo attack is imminent, if I'm in public, driving or even at work this makes it even worse. In these moments I desperately want to flee, to run home as quickly as I can to the safety of my bed, hiding under my covers till my anxiety is done playing with me. I'll admit there are days I have, I've left work saying I feel ill when deep down I known its just anxiety which leaves me feeling ashamed. Ashamed and humiliated I can't fight through it that I turn and run, my tail between my legs. 
 
As I finish writing this my anxiety seems to have tired of playing its games with me. I go back to work, fading into the office background as I listen to phones ringing in the distance, keyboards tapping, and the quiet chatter of my coworkers who are none the wiser of the battle I fight within.
 
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10 comments :

  1. Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful story! I know exactly how you feel about anxiety fading in and out as we go about our days. You are handling it with such grace!

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  2. Anxiety definitely comes and goes in waves for most people and I don't think everyone realizes that. Even fairly "healthy" people experience waves of anxiety. I totally agree with you that she handles it with such grace!

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  3. I have never heard of this specific disease but you are so brave for sharing. Not just for people like me who may not be informed on Meniere's but for people who may have it and not know it. There is someone in my life who suffers from extreme anxiety and vertigo....We're close enough that I can share this info with her.

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  4. I hope she will benefit from this information!

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  5. Thank you for sharing Diane; I had learned of Meniere's disease in nursing school but had NO idea of the anxiety that could come along with it; this post was so enlightening for me. Thank you for speaking out!

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  6. I had no idea either. I'm so thankful for all that I am learning from this series!

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  7. Thank you all for the sweet comments and encouragement! Though difficult it truly helps to write out what I'm feeling and share it with the world. If anyone has any questions about Meniere's please do not hesitate to ask me! And a big thanks for sharing my words!

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  8. My sis has Meniere's and it's been a struggle. She's learned to surround herself with strong people who can help her, a great therapist, and an amazing doctor who doesn't just load her up on meds. Thank you for sharing your story, I love your bravery.

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  9. That's so important she has found a doctor that she trusts!

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