Before we started trying to conceive (TTC) I thought I would be super chill about it all. I thought I would just hang out for 6-12 months and wait for it to "happen." Those of you that have tried to conceive probably know how impossible this sounds. Especially if you're Type A like I am. However, because we as a culture fail to talk about TTC, I had no idea what I was in for. This resulted in an intense cycle of me feeling completely insane and being unable to focus on anything else. Every day felt grueling and Google got way too much of my attention. I'll let THIS article elaborate on all my feels.
There are numerous articles online about how to keep TCC a secret from your friends, family, and coworkers. We spend more time talking about keeping it a secret than being honest about what it's really like and supporting one another in the midst of it. For me, this resulted in feeling lonely and crazy. The more I talked to other women after our miscarriage, though, the more I realized that the feelings I had were not abnormal. Most women feel a little (or a lot) crazy when they're TTC, whether they've been trying to for a few months or a few years.
So, why don't we talk about trying to conceive? Why is it such a taboo topic?
Some articles I've read suggest it's because our self worth is tied up in our bodies and our inability to conceive therefore somehow reflects our lack of worth, which creates fear about sharing our struggle with others. As if we are failing at one of our most basic human functions. I hope we are all shaking our heads at how ridiculous this is. Our worth is NOT in our ability to have a child. Most of us know that. Yet, we still fail to talk about it.
I stumbled across THIS post recently. It's a male's perspective on TCC. I applaud him (seriously, give it a read). Men can feel the weight of this too, yet... silence. When was the last time you heard a male talk about trying to conceive? Uhm... probably close to never. It's not just the ladies that keep this a secret, it's everyone.
The fact that we don't talk about TTC (or miscarriage) just breeds shame and heartache among women (and men!). We MUST start talking about this topic and supporting each other. It's normal to feel crazy while TTC, it's in our nature. We have to be brave and put ourselves out there. It's bound to be a stressful time and you never know how your vulnerability might help someone that's feeling alone.
I'm really curious to hear other's thoughts on this topic because, honestly, I have heard some downright valid reasons for keeping TTC a secret. I'd love to hear your thoughts below.